This weekend, the boy and I went roller skating at San Francisco's (and Black Rock City's) local institution The Church of 8 Wheels. Abandoned churches make great skating rinks, and this all-adult Friday night skate was a perfect way to revisit an old hobby.

It's been three shoe sizes and 36 years since I last pulled on skates, but I practically lived my weekends at the skating rink in the 1980s. (It's no myth! The roller rink was a lot cheaper than babysitters for the parents of Gen X kids. And no, they didn't stick around.)

I had some hesitancy getting back on the wheels, and it took me a while to find my balance.

A few things came up for me as I was getting into the groove.

Nerd cultures have a lot in common. If you're intimidated about getting into your public BDSM or kink scene, don't be. The folks at the dungeon who are really into their craft aren't so different than the middle-aged guy wearing costume wings at the skating rink and showing off all his moves. We all have something we love deeply, have the gear to enjoy, and like to show off. Whether it's wearing skates with glowing wheels or wielding Florentine floggers, it's not so different.

Watch your speed. Going too fast at first can be dangerous, with that momentum hurling you right into others still getting their footing.

Don't block the folks around you! The most challenging situations to navigate were when I'd find my speed, and then hit groups of new skaters four or five across to navigate around. When other folks know what they're doing, give them room to do it.

This isn't a mental exercise. You can't think your way into it. Race Bannon wrote recently about the need for embodied practice as we learn kink. Especially for technique, there is no substitute for trying things out, allowing ourselves to be a little imperfect, and refining our skills. You can't learn skating -- or flogging -- by sitting on the sidelines.

Going too slow is worse than going slightly too fast. I had two big falls Friday night. Both times, I was hesitating and going somewhat too slow. I lost my momentum, stutter-started, and came down to the floor. We do the same thing when we second-guess ourselves in kink. Some of what we need to build is a simple embodied feeling of what works and doesn't, and we can only do that when we allow ourselves momentum and freedom of movement. ("No parking on the dance floor!")

Whatever nerdery you get into this weekend, I hope it's fun for you! (Go team?!?!)

xo

Mir

PS: If you want help finding kink at the right speed for you, I encourage you to sign up for our six-week course Diving Deep: Discovering and Voicing Your Erotic Desires. The next group begins February 17, and late registration ends February 23. Learn more and reserve your space here! ​